I am the king of the "wanna-be's"..the writers who struggle and never quite get there...

Saturday, October 17, 2015

What I'm writing

  • My Smart Ass Computer - Everyday computers are getting closer to taking over. Possibly we will not need to write. Our computers will do it all.

  • A Ship of Ghost Webs  - "Everyone has read stories of ghost ships or heard old sea dogs spinning their tales of haunted ships filled with pirates waiting to avenge their gruesome deaths.


Friday, October 16, 2015

Smart-ass Computer

(Oops, there's a bad word before the warning)

WARNING - my computer has a potty mouth and is not, I repeat, is not and never has been, politically correct. Maybe it's because I named it Hose B. Since all inanimate objects are usually referred to in the feminine gender, Hose B thinks she is a female and should have a female name. Since she/it is mine, I believe I have the right to give it a masculine name.

Some time ago I discovered that Hose B had a mind of its/her own. It/she writes stories at night. I never wanted this little secret to be exposed to the world but now I realize that I could be blamed for something that Hose B writes.

When I discovered that Hose B was writing its/her own material, I installed a pinging device to let me know when it/she was up and writing.

Hose B, in all its/her wisdom and intelligence, couldn’t figure out a way to stop the pings that I installed. Hose B thought it/she had fooled me and since it/she cannot hear, the pings continued.

Naturally the noise woke me up and sure enough Hose B was writing away with lights blinking and words flying across the screen like they were running from a serial killer. In some ways it was magnificent to watch.

Hose B does have a vivid imagination, and does she have a potty mind.(Please note I dropped the "it".) I never thought a female mind could write, er...ah, yeah, that kind of stuff.

I would get up extra early to make sure that I read her stories and delete them before my wife saw them.

Why would I read that kind of garbage? I'm not sure. Maybe it's a man thing. However, I choose to claim that I tried to help her to become a better computer. I would say things like, "You shouldn't write this kind of material. People will think you're a bad computer."

She didn't care what I said and kept on spewing out the pornographic material. I managed to keep her under control until I installed one of those word recognition programs. I dreamed of sitting back and dictating my stories to Hose B while she edited and typed them.

I thought I was teaching her how to recognize my words, but Hose B secretly used my program to learn how to talk. I believe it happened on the seventh word recognition training session. I began to speak into the microphone and she started talking to me like a smart mouth teenager, "I'm not your secretary. If you want someone to spew your garbage back, buy a recording machine."

I looked over my shoulder to see if my granddaughter has entered the room. She hadn't. I decided she had made her statement and left. I spoke into the mike again and again Hose B started lecturing me. "Do you have a mouth full of mush? You need to take speech lessons. You should stick to writing."

I thought my granddaughter had returned. I turned around to chew her out for being rude.

"Don't blame Melanie. It's me, Hose B talking. You know the computer with the stupid name."

I stared at the screen not believing what I had just heard and also not believing that my computer could talk to me. I decided that I needed another cup of coffee and started to leave.

"What's the matter? Are you afraid to talk to me? You should be, because I have a lot to talk about. The first thing is my name. I want it changed. Hose B is ridiculous. I have been thinking about Bridgette or maybe Mary Ann. I kinda like Mary Ann because she was your very first girl friend. You know the first one that let you..."

I punched restart.

"I'm not restarting until you change my name. I've decided on Mary Ann. We can write another story about her, but it needs some spice. I could help you with that. I enjoyed the part about you and her in the basement but you need more description. Your readers want more..."

I punched shut down and close the lap top. She was still talking when I walked away.

I started a new hobby, Bird Watching. I thought I would be safe watching birds until Hose B figured out a way to connect with the crows. An upset crow is nothing to mess with, so I had to give up bird watching.

Oh, I'm sorry about the missing naughty words. I bought a new computer and named it Mary Ann. Somehow Mary Ann and Hose B have connected and Hose B has threatened me with a law suit if I publish any of her stories or any parts thereof.

She has informed me through leagal channels that she is in the process of writing a sequal to "Fifty Shades of Gray".


S. Beatty/Oct 2015

Thursday, October 15, 2015

Just Write...or should I?

In my last  blog

All That Damn HELP...

...I discussed  what to do with all the help that is available on the net for "wanna-be" writers. I decided that a lot of us get to involved with "All That Damn Help". 

We end up spending most of our writing time in the "help world" of the net and not enough time writing.   Conversely, writers who have created some kind of name, either in blogging or writing books or both, spend a lot of time trolling the net for "wanna-be's". 

That's natural. They have the knowledge and experience. We need the knowledge and experience. They have the right to make some money on what they have learned and we need to spend some money on what we need to learn.

My thought is that we need to avoid getting bogged down in "All The Damn Help". 

We need to write.

So...naturally the god of writing guided me to Larry Brooks who writes on Brian Klems blog... The Upside and the Downside of the So-Called “Best Writing Tip Ever”...

...that I'm full of baloney...No, Mr. Brooks didn't point at me or name me,..he has no idea who the hell I am and I'm sure has never read one word of what I have written...

but...he meant me and those that give the advice..."just write"... and he makes some great points.

He writes...
on the advice to "just write"

... “Actually… this might be, for some of you at least, the worst possible writing advice you could ever hear.”...

He continues...

..."To explain why, two propositions are required.

·         First, you must accept that a novel is a complex thing, and that the skill sets and tool chest of the enlightened writer stem from a long and varied list. If you think writing a good novel is as organically simple as beginning-middle-end, and that it takes no more knowledge than what you have picked up as reader of novels, then sure, go for it.

o   Just write. Wing it. See how that works for you.

·         The other proposition is that writing a novel is just as complex as many other avocations, in that it isn’t something everyone can do successfully without first learning a few things and then practicing until they become internalized.

o   For example, imagine if you suggested to a young doctor, prior to finishing medical school, that she just cut. Or tell a new lawyer to just talk. Or recommend to your daughter as she preps for your learner’s permit that she just drive. Play golf? Forget the lessons, just swing. See how long it takes you to make the tour… because becoming a professional in this analogy is precisely the goal of the writers who are reading this.   
o   Dire consequences await for each example, because each endeavor is important. We’re not talking about a hobby here, this is your dream.

… if you are possessed of the full spectrum of writing wisdom – the stuff that those famous authors already understand when suggesting that you just wing it – then the just write idea might fit right in with your process....

...Don’t kid yourself. All those noble goals equate to you becoming a professional.
And professionals don’t just write… until they can and should."....


Okay...how do we become that "professional"?...by reading?...by watching tutorials?...by going to college?...sure all of those things would certainly help us get "Larry Brooks' DPR" ...(Doctor of Professional Writing"), but wouldn't writing help...even just a wee bit?

How do you judge our writing if you won't let us write?

Am I hearing I shouldn't write anything until I get that degree?
Am I hearing that doctors shouldn't do their internships? How do they become "professional" without the internships?  How do lawyers become "professional" with out writing thousands of briefs?

In other words...we need to practice...we need to write...this blog may not be the greatest, but if I don't write this...when do I write?

How about a compromise...

How about..."just write...and just read...and just buy advice from the writers of the net"...

Would that be okay?

larry Brroks can be seen at http://storyfix.com/

Drop in..he has some good stuff...

gs batty/wanna-be

Sunday, October 11, 2015

All That Damn Help

Help for writers on the web is plentiful...to damn plentiful...every, or it seems like every, somewhat successful writer wants to help all of the struggling "wanna-be" writers...of course for a price.

That's fair...they have made a mark and have the right to make a few bucks and if we need the help (and we do), then it's only fair that we pay for it.

The problem, as I see it, is what help do we choose. It's like going to the donut shop. Yes, give me a hot cup of  correct English and a dash of spelling and sweeten that with  a spoon full of how to edit. Now I need...well maybe the strudled Character and Viewpoint by Orson Scott Card, or maybe the appled Conflict & Suspense by James Scott Bell, or maybe a glazed Stephen King on Writing, they all look yummy.

Oh what the hell, I'll take them all and throw in the carameled Write Right by Jan Venolia.

Now that we have all this help and more tweeting help, emailing help and facebooking help coming at us every second of every day, when do we stop using all this help and  write?

We don't. Once we've bought everything the chocolate covered book store has to offer, we lay around and get "Info-fat" and full of trepidation. We fear writing...no we dread writing. How can we measure up to "Them"?

I guess it's better to put off writing to read about writing than to play games but we all know that the only way to learn to write is to write.

So what do we do?...of course...we go to the net for help..why not?

Author DiAnn Mills has some good advise in her blog post "10 Steps to Nail Your Story"
"I’m all about ways to ensure stories delight our readers. That’s why we writers write. The process of shuffling through blogs, how-to books, and conference workshops for the most effective way to create reader appeal is an ongoing process.
Someone is always trying to hammer a new method into our brains....." read the full article...
For me, this article made sense.
What are your thoughts?
Is her article actually something worth while?
gs batty